(This post is, of course, tougue in cheek, but since the Obama Administration’s EPA recently declared CO2 (the stuff we exhale) to be a pollutant, is it really such a stretch?)
Our current administration in Washington is seeking new ways to raise money for all the new entitlements they are creating. Almost everything is being taxed. They have overlooked one thing, though. They have yet to establish a tax on breathing. Here is what we might expect in the way of introduction and public announcement of a new public policy.
For too many years, citizens have taken for granted the air we breathe. It is too valuable a resource to be casually consumed, wasted and ignored as the valuable asset that it is. To reassure the public as to the worth of air, your government will levee a tax on your consumption.
Each citizen over the age of 13 will be required to purchase and wear a breath-ometer. Your breath-ometer will be sold and distributed by the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), and will measure the number of breaths each citizen takes each month. The IRS will require, on the first day of each month, that each citizen either report to an IRS Breath Center to have his or her breath-ometer records entered into the IRS tax data base, or citizens may interface their breath-ometer with a computer peripheral, which will be sold separately. A tax will be assessed on each breath.
Your government recognizes that financially less fortunate citizens may not be able to afford the purchase of breath-ometers. For that reason, they will be supplied at no cost to the needy, and the expense absorbed by the wealthy – say those earning over $50,0000 per year.
Since each breath consumed results in the exhale of CO2, the tax levied on each breath will not only collect income on each breath consumed, but also tax the CO2 pollution generated by each breath. For those who wish to do so, carbon offsets may be purchased from Al Gore. The purchase of carbon offsets will decrease the tax on each breath by 30%.
For further information about the Breath-ometer Program, see the web page www.hotair.gov.
Dr. Barry Jacobs is a Reproductive Endocrinologist, practicing in Carrollton, Texas, a northern suburb of Dallas. He completed his residency training in obstetrics and gynecology at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, and remained at that institution to become its first fellow once Baylor achieved accreditation for an advanced training program in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility. Dr. Jacobs has served on the faculty of several medical schools and was director of Reproductive Endocrinology at Texas Tech Health Science Center in Amarillo. Currently, in addition to his clinical activities caring for infertile patients and those with recurrent pregnancy loss, he is Chairman of the IVF committee at Baylor Medical Center in Carrollton.